1. |
Where Did You Go?
05:35
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for the better part of a year
i thought i saw you around
never met anyone
who’d left our little town
so i couldn’t figure where you’d gone to
if you weren’t with us now
and it’s still insane to me
that we passed that very scene
and didn’t notice anything
save for two yellow flip-flops
in the middle of the street
it was greenville boulevard
in the back of some friend’s parents’ car
coming back from the skatepark
we passed right by
and i didn’t know
and i wouldn’t know
until the next day
when i walked into school
and noticed every face
was swollen and tear-stained
and i asked, “where did you go?”
where did you go?
where did you go?
your seat sits empty / where did you go?
where did you go?
where did you go?
it makes no sense to me / where did you go?
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2. |
Shameplant
03:36
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well, i love you
with every part of me
save for the part of me
that does not
it's the part of me
that's always wondering
what else i could get
for what i've got
when the one i have
is in front of me
and she's wondering
where i've gone
'cos she can always tell
when i meet her eyes
and when i'm looking
just beyond
i could love you
with every part of me
but there's a part of me
that's been taught
that there's no consequence
when i'm not all in
someone else is gonna pay
pay that cost
every chorus of my youth
was a plea for surgery
a cry for gods to come cut out
what could be got by only me
but i can't age right into goodness
can't stumble into change
can't expect to grow a garden
and depend on only rain
i have to get down in the earth of it
in an embarrassment of weeds
have to be in touching distance
where the shameplant
the shameplant folds its leaves
but it's one thing
to act on
and another to just believe
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3. |
A Must While So Near
03:22
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feather of a pheasant
crusts the corners of my mouth
ask for a kiss as i’m leaving
could not have sped me quicker to get out
saw that it’s
a must while i’m so near
i can trust myself with this
saw what was
available to me
and i framed it as a gift
i try to keeping it even
plot points on both sides of the line
i write a “trust in jesus” on the wall
then i call the number for a good time
as if my life can be measured
in indulgences i deserve
a pile of good reasons
is so easy to conjure
saw that it’s
a must while i’m so near
i can trust myself with this
saw what was
available to me
and i claimed it as a gift
saw what was
a must while i’m so near
so i ate ’til i was sick
if ever i left you hungry,
i never noticed it
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4. |
Fragile
03:22
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fragile
scraping out a living
scraping out lines
in your legs
said you
were planning on leaving
if you didn’t find
a reason to stay
i got one call
then i got five more
you were hysterical
and speaking in tongues
you said
what had happened to you
couldn’t believe it
so you said it again
and again, and again—
it’s too much
it’s too much
it’s too much
to fit in my head
is it in me?
is it in you?
what can we do
after all that’s been done?
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5. |
George
04:45
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george and i have spoken so many times
but he was hardly ever present
when i play each scene back in my mind
‘cos i played both our characters,
i wrote all our lines
but i remember every word he said
and i’m gonna make him answer
for every one of them
george is protesting now —
i say, “of course you are!
i need no more evidence
what i thought you would do
is exactly what you just now did
i laid out the future and you walked right into it
and there’s no need to even hear defense
‘cos i’ve measured out a case for neglect"
i put on dark clothes
i stood far from your windows
i counted hours alone while you were asleep
i waited out in the cold
i left when the cock crowed
i never knocked, though
your door was open to me
it was open to me
but now friend george has had enough
and he’s finally locked his gates
so with no frame left to project on
i hire strangers in his place
and against their blank expressions
i come to face to face
with the shrapnel buried in my side
that is twisting whenever i’m passed by
where some part of me was pushed away
when it needed a soft embrace
so from then on until today
i’m a live wire
and though the contact might
be incidental and oh so slight
at the faintest touch i
i see fire
i see fire
george will you forgive me?
though i’ve made you so tired
and every chance you gave i’ve given up
and your patience is expired
i’ve known that i hurt you
but now i think i might know why
and believe i could do well by
the space for one more try
would you give me one more try?
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6. |
Birdseye
03:07
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stuck up on the ceiling
chewing on on a candied noose
got my throat in a bind
but my feet are hanging loose
should’ve kept that old chair
wobbling under me
could’ve been caught in the act
and i’d been just as pleased
do i want to be known or to be overwith?
do i want to be known or to be overwith?
do i want to be known?
stuck up on the ceiling
counting house with a birdseye view
maybe the best party in my life
is one i’ve invited myself to
‘cos i’m reading for confirmation
i’m tallying empty seats
i am listening intently
to what’s in it for me
do i want to be known or to be overwith?
do i want to be known or to be overwith?
did i want to be known to be overwith?
now i’m overwith
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7. |
Guest In Your Life
03:01
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if i was a guest in your life
i would likely understand
we were always flirting
with permanent residence
but bringing in a shirt or two
is hardly moving in
besides, I always took them with me
whenever I went
but before I'd leave
i'd take your hand
and say your name
and you'd press your cheek to it
and do the same
what a strangely different story
this became
and so quiet
in your hallway
when we part ways
if i was a guest in your life
i would have to understand
it was never much our style
to make many demands
the relay would only go on
so long as each runner ran
wherever one chose to quit it
that's where the torch would land
and there it smolders in the sand
our little flame
we ran so far for it
it's such a shame
what a strangely different story
this became
and so strangely simple
when we part ways
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8. |
Ringing
04:06
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there’s a ringing in my ears
that never goes away
it reminds me in all silence
that anything can break
break beyond being replaced
beyond repair by being explained
everything was supposed to work
perfect on from the first day
but i can’t speak to half the planet
i can’t even say my name
or make any exchange
i cannot give you anything
i smile, i nod, i wave
they say they found a skull without a scalp
some three hundred thousand years ago
but we are still here now.
we are still here now
and i lean upon this mystery
and make a solemn vow:
you will not raise your hands to me,
i will not mine to you.
we will not speed delivery
of the end we’re coming to
you will not raise your hands to me
i will not mine to you.
though murder is our history,
it’s only half the truth
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9. |
All Days Just End
04:00
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i’m working
i’m waking up
before i get enough sleep
to get the job done
the early light reminds me
of something you said:
if i do nothing with my time
all days just end
gets hard to recognize it
to know it’s real
the hoops that i jump through
just not to feel
the weight of making each day deserve
the setting sun
the weight of making my whole life
happen at once
locked in a groove,
every lap the same sound
deeper every time around ...
no motion sweeps you up
anymore
no comfort’s gonna pool
automatic on your front porch
or by luck lay in your bed
or stand between where you are
and where you have to begin
again
the waning light reminds me
of something you said
if i’ve done nothing with my time
all days just
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10. |
Tunneling
05:59
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who do i talk to
when i’d like to give up?
in what ground do i bury that seed?
that makes no mention at the surface
of what’s buried right beneath
tunneling in all directions
leaving a trail of cavities
as i glide my hand along the wall
in the well i’m falling down
as the roof caves in above me now
i take a quiet look around
i bleed a little longer, i bleed a little longer
i bleed a little longer
‘fore i lay the bandage down
darkness temporary
becomes darkness permanent
when its ingredients are never stirred
and all its air compressed, so i’ll
make a plan, make a plan
to let it from its hiding place
wrap it tightly in a concept
to let it see the light of day
as i glide my hand along the wall
in the well i’m falling down
as the roof caves in above me now
i take a quiet look around
i bleed a little longer, i bleed a little longer
i bleed a little longer
‘fore i lay the bandage down
listen, caleb, listen
please listen to me
this is no way to live, man —
this isn’t healthy.
you are under an exhaustion
that is common to us all
and you’re doubling the pressure
by assuming it’s your fault.
if you don’t make a sound,
it’s just ringing in your room
don’t miss your body for its wounds.
as you glide your hand along the wall
in the well you’re falling down
as the roof caves in above you now
you take a quiet look around
if you bleed any longer
if you bleed any longer
if you bleed any longer
you just might bleed out
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11. |
Antechamber
06:07
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if i was wrong, i’d rather
just go dark tonight
take some side exit out
rather than reach the end to find
that all i thought there was to read
between each and every line
was a loop returning to itself
and useless by design
where i’d land
in the antechamber
right outside your door
why’d you let it get that far?
what’d you do it for?
it’s all washed away.
if i was wrong i’d rather
it’d have been a dream
than to have to sort back through the story
and be forced to learn anything
i’d rather wake inside the mercy of
the morning’s news to me
that i’m free of whatever sentence
was handed down to me in sleep
where i’d land
in the antechamber
right outside your door
why’d you let it get that far?
what’d you do it for?
it’s all washed away.
there’s no antechamber
there’s no god-damn door.
why’d i let it get that far?
what’d i do that for?
it’s all washed away.
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