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Brokenlegged

by sinai vessel

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1.
Looseleaf 03:56
here i stand, like a tree nervous on the edge of a clearing limbs afraid to be cut looseleaf, to be cut down so i’ll cut myself out free from bind to branch and felling ground so here i am in the penultimate act we’re forcing our lines and canning our laughs as the curtains break over our backs they say “a necessary phase — move along, move along it gets better everyday — move along” too scared of isolation to see that the picture edge adjacent to me although skilled in diplomacy and loose at the sleeve it was nowhere near a complemental piece you’re on fifth, and i’m on three but it makes no difference to gravity we’ll land just the same: brokenlegged and no matter my dexterity i can’t untie the text from me that suggests a hell awaits me should i choose to leave so here i stand in the penultimate act forcing my lines and canning my laughs as the curtains break over our backs should a noise provide us reason to start in the night and we don’t look to opened windows or what should in the stairwell rise and we suspect no other criminal with whom the guilt lies than who sleeps permanent at our sides: it’s time for moving on it’s a necessary phase — moving on, moving on it gets better everyday — moving on.
2.
Ramekin 03:32
not a single door in this house will shut closed all the way they are swollen with the moisture of all the things we refuse to say no counsel held in private / not a whisper will survive when cursed acoustics are at play our portraits in the hallway seem to mock our firm commitment to corner and to frame comfort in the idyll / comfort in the idyll suckling at the teat of grassy plain comfort in the idol / comfort in the idol of the temple built by all the tithe we’ve paid found a note left inside, inside of the pulpit it reads quietly, perforated at the side: “acknowledge the beast in the room, acknowledge the beast and get eaten alive. you’ll get eaten alive.” comfort in the idle / comfort in the idle keep the speaking creature in his cage.
3.
Laughlin 03:30
noticed a change / an echoing absence a jarring replacement / an upset to average curated history / cutting half of it out wore a ring on your finger where has that ring gone now? somewhere your death stops traffic somwhere you’ll generate black huerfano: a presence missing i only observe the lack you mean somethings to someones you mean nothing to me uninvited, i attend at a distance i watch the wake on a screen like tread tracks ground in the median like a dead doe against the wall of a tunnel like a last breath left hanging in air suspended in a shallow-wash grave blood and water mixture / the whey after the strain nurses and the locksmith / knuckles wrenched and white robert never answered / ‘cause robert had died they found his body drained and gray life on the walls / life on the mirror / life on the sink did he stand there full of holes and say: “i’ve been cobbling ghosts— these forms i’ve evoked, they won’t stay.” like tread tracks ground in the median like a dead doe against the wall of a tunnel like a last breath left hanging in air
4.
i used to be scared, i used to be just like you so fearful of irreparable decisions but now that i’ve made a few where limits are imposed, i can see new avenues now there’s above around and under where once there was just through sturdy northern shoulders / frostbitten neck you’ll talk up your sentry callus i’ll collect your bouncing checks i’ve seen you dive and come up with nothing i’ve watched you melt and dissolve into sobs inconsolable under the blue light though you’d bended nary a law except your own: chapter and clause, “never be found wanting / never at a loss” where limits are imposed, well you must have done something wrong the trajectory was airtight you are the fatal flaw on a ship full of things that float you would go down with the hull
5.
Dogs 03:49
mrs got careless with her physique, begging the entry of other options to seek and brother became a petty thief if he’d stuck close to the law, he’d not be lying prostrate in the street that old spirit embodies the least and the least are the readily seen in photographs taken overseas sister don’t like being called a “she” she must’ve caught the virus that’ll render us all extinct by force my means make my neighbor’s ends meet if he could give up water he could buy something to eat there’s a good book paved in all the missing mortar and an overpass of gold above the meek let not the trodden tread the apse’s light in mire build a shower on the porch to rinse them clean that old spirit embodies the least and the least are the readily seen in places nowhere near me
6.
Birth Blood 03:42
i bear the weight of a risky trust in a kid without a name thirteen years still birthing and his mother’s death in vain can’t seem to do him justice put a label beneath his face to validate his footing and substantiate his place thrown out in your birth blood cradled in the trash urchin of the gutter scraped you up and found you’re alive in some limbs amputate in others it’s been a slew of presidents since he or i last slept in an unconscious world he doesn’t miss the womb ‘cause it’s like he never left after spending such a long time underground his diet mimics that of a seed his hunger tends to dissipate but his thirst never quite leaves
7.
when we start, would you like to be notified? do you want to know that you are missing out? that in all reality / you’re an omission to the list of names embodied when we gather ‘round that cruel, cruel lunch after the funeral every morsel and mineral feels undeserved and irreverent a betrayal / ‘cause we outsourced the end of the job someone else will level your plot and tend to the grass stitching up the wounds in the ground i don’t know, in truth / that i’ll get to change for you in time to be bothered to / invest in our loss if there is an arbiter / could i ask her for more than my share? to treat my beloved friends / as more than given permanence at that cruel, cruel lunch after the funeral every missive and dispatch rolls off the tongue and lands heavy on the table and it rattles our lentil bowls a whole fortnight of meals left cold in your honor / in your absence in our confusion our cruel confusion
8.
i heard a choir boy say outright good men stumble seven times and seven times again they rise but that’s his abacus, not mine cos when the berth between what is and what’s deserved is this absurd i can’t be blamed for waking up expecting the worst there are no landings on this staircase no banisters to hold just a steep and constant gradient that i keep falling from and a spine that’s getting softer til i can’t stand on my own paper cranes from folded lives in time i’m afraid i’ve spent the life i could have had in truth on cheaper thrills and placebo pills and quicker substitutes hoping for scope of heart that’s massive arms of welcome spread obtuse and a quiverful of shots to take to pull the cork of worry loose so i will wait for answers to rise out of the carpet and believe the point will come to me in dreams and i won’t get up for anything i’ll sleep on the floor for weeks ears pressed to the ground, just listening paper cranes from folded lives in time

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released January 27, 2017

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sinai vessel Asheville, North Carolina

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